We all have our quirks, but some of us are just built differently. I’m not saying I was dropped on my head as a baby (though my parents remain suspiciously quiet on the matter), but let’s just say my existence is a strange and wonderful adventure. If you think you’re weird, just wait until you hear these bizarre facts about me.
Buckle up—things are about to get odd!
1. I Once Convinced a Group of Strangers That I Was a Time Traveler
Look, it wasn’t intentional. I just have a knack for saying things in an unsettlingly specific way. “Back in my day, soda only cost a nickel,” I casually mentioned while standing in line at a convenience store. A teenager looked at me, wide-eyed, and whispered, “Wait… how old are you?” Instead of correcting him, I went along with it. I spent the next 20 minutes weaving a tale about how I had come from the year 2179, and before I knew it, I had half the store hanging onto my every word. I still feel bad for that one guy who looked genuinely afraid.
2. I Have a Superpower—Sort of
You know how some people always know when it’s about to rain? I have a similar gift, except it’s completely useless. I can sense when a vending machine is about to eat someone’s money. I don’t know why, but if I walk past one, I get a weird gut feeling, and sure enough—someone always ends up shaking the machine in frustration. I like to think I was given this power for a reason, but so far, it hasn’t exactly changed the world.
3. I Collect Expired Coupons for No Reason
It started as a joke. “Oh look, a 2015 Burger King coupon! Might come in handy!” But then, I just… couldn’t stop. I have a drawer full of expired discounts for places that don’t even exist anymore. I don’t use them. I don’t even look at them. They just exist, like a cryptic reminder of my poor life choices.
4. I Can Recite the Entire Script of Shrek by Heart
Some people memorize poetry. Other important historical speeches. Me? I know every single line from Shrek. I didn’t plan for this to happen; it just did. Ask me to perform the “Do you think maybe he’s compensating for something?” scene, and I’ll do it without hesitation. Honestly, I don’t know whether to be proud or deeply ashamed.
5. I Once Entered a Staring Contest with a Squirrel—and Lost
It was a brisk autumn morning. I was sipping my coffee on a park bench, and a squirrel hopped onto the table in front of me. Our eyes met. Time slowed. The world faded away. It was just me and the squirrel, locked in a battle of wills. Three minutes passed. Then four. My eyes started to burn. Five minutes in, I blinked. The squirrel didn’t. I accepted defeat and walked away. That squirrel is probably telling his friends about me right now.
6. My Brain Refuses to Remember Normal Things but Can Recall Useless Information Instantly
What’s my childhood best friend’s birthday? No clue. But ask me the name of the dog that played Beethoven in the Beethoven movies? That would be Chris. Yes, the dog's name was Chris. I don’t know why my brain works this way, but here we are.
7. I Have an Ongoing Feud with a GPS System
My GPS and I don’t get along. It has tried to lead me into lakes, dead ends, and one time, straight into someone’s driveway. I think it’s trying to get rid of me. Every time I ignore its route, it gets a little more passive-aggressive. “Recalculating,” it huffs, as if personally offended. One day, this battle will come to a dramatic conclusion. Until then, I drive in constant fear.
8. I Once Ate an Entire Pizza in My Sleep
I don’t remember doing it, but the evidence was clear. I woke up to an empty pizza box, a mysterious grease stain on my pillow, and a deep, overwhelming sense of shame. Science calls it “sleep eating.” I call it “the most impressive thing I’ve ever done.”
9. I Have an Unhealthy Obsession with Collecting Hotel Soaps
I don’t even use them. I just… take them. If you open my bathroom cabinet, you’ll find a pile of tiny, neatly wrapped soaps from hotels across the country. Do I need them? No. Do I have a problem? Probably. But at least I’ll never run out of soap.
10. I Have a Playlist Specifically for When I Get Stuck in a Store Aisle Behind a Slow Walker
You know that feeling when you’re trapped behind someone who is moving painfully slow? I have a playlist for that. It’s called “Move, Grandma, Move”, and it’s filled with aggressively upbeat songs to keep me from losing my mind. It’s been a game-changer.
You can find many more Weird Facts on Stay Weird, a website filled with fun lists and all the weirdness you can find online!